Thursday, August 26, 2010

Street Fighter IV made me a noob.

Once in awhile, I bust out Street Fighter IV (or Super SFIV for some of you) and I have a grand ole time. A few of my friends up here play it, I usually dominate with Akuma or uh...Bison, and we have a great time. We simply beat the shit outta each other until one runs out of energy. More often than not, I'm still standing.

But I hate playing Xbox live. I still play it, but I hate it and stop after only a few matches.

Why? Because SFIV isn't fun on Xbox live. SFIV is fun against your buddies. Xbox live takes half the fun out of it-because there's usually a mound of people who only play this, sacrifice social gatherings for this, and beat the living tar out of you for it.

I only play Street Fighter as a diversion. I hold my own most of the time during parties. I don't have a drive to be as good as these guys nor do I care to play the way they do. You're probably wondering why...because most of the players on Xbox live-are cheap. Plain and simple they are cheap. They make the game unfun.

Sacrilege! "Oh no he didn't! He didn't say that!"

Yep, I did. SFIV's cheap players ruin things for me. Apparently, thanks to message boards and dicks that got insanely good at this game, saying "cheap" anywhere near SFIV's refined and flawless gameplay is a no-no. There is a way out of everything, there is a silver bullet to every cheap play-style, every annoying Guile defense...whatever.

Great! You guys spend your entire lives with one game figuring all that shit out. I'm gonna go play something else. Pathetic. Serriously, I just want to play the game and have fun, and I can't because some cheap dick who has "Fledgling Fighter" for a icon is doing annoying Guile shit (I'm not going into it-we all know what I'm talking about). This forces me to scream at the top of my lungs (cuz I hate losing), hit the arms of the couch and then go on tilt punching walls.

"Oh no Pat! You just arn't playing the game enough. There's a way around some of that shit, you just gotta play more. You're just a noob if you're saying SFIV is cheap."

Ok. I'm a noob. I'm a fucking Noob. NOOB IS ME. There, you're right, I am. Which means now I can say-your fucking game is loaded with cheap dicks that exploit it. I don't want to spend an hour figuring out how to time something against Bison perfectly only to have my opponent choose that luchador and do some other cheap move. I don't care enough to. Why can't they just fight without all this crap? Cuz they will lose.

It's funny too, I'll find people who play normal, good patterns, pokes, unpredictable behavior, but once they start losing-they get cheap. See, cuz I'm a noob I have the right to say that, so go fuck yourselves.

See, this higharchy of people learning, "character tiers" advance skills=ridiculous. It's what ruined MVC2. Where is the fun in only two traps you are going to use, that will no doubt confuse someone, unless they can come up with some repetive, annoying, CHEAP tactic to get out of it. What happened to just beating the tar out of it.

"Pat you don't play enough. You don't know what you're talking about"

You're right! I don't play enough, and guess what? I don't intend on playing more. I have too much time to learn all that shit in one game. I've got a book, a paid journalism gig, and a 40 hour week job. I don't want to waste my time learning this crap. I'm never going to play in tournaments. What glory to I get in SFIV besides unwinding every night? None. There is no bragging rights in beating someone on Xbox live.

Who's "Spoogeking083?"

"Oh I beat him last night. He had 10,000 battle points"

"Loser."

Yeah. For those of you who have played the game to the point where you know all these traps. Awesome, you are better than me, because I am forever a noob.

I don't know why people get pissed about that word anyways. Noob. Jesus, it really isn't a word anyways. Somehow people have it in high regards as the N-word when it's said. Get over it. If someone calls you a noob-it only means you've gotten laid, had a better social life, and overall had it much better than the name caller ever will. You are better for being called a noob-your life is that much better when they call you a noob.

Because typically (and I mean typically) the people who call the others noobs are people who salvage gamefaqs, scratch checks for strategy guides, and spend hours outside of their favorite game, as well as IN their favorite game. Calling you a noob only says "I spent my entire life on this and have nothing else to look forward to. You can never get to my level so don't."

Or it just means you really really suck at something and there's no hope for you. In my case-yes, apparently I do suck at SFIV, because I refuse to sit for hours and learn all these traps, salvage faqs on what to do, and basically suck the "unwinding fun" out of the game.

Noob am I. SFIV is loaded with cheap dicks. If you play SFIV and are cheap...STOP DOING IT!

The noobs appreciate it.

No comments:

Post a Comment